Ending an abusive relationship can be extremely dangerous. The abuser may become more violent, either immediately or in the weeks and months after the relationship ends. As you prepare to leave, it's critical to consider these serious risks. During the planning, gather names and locations of local DV shelters and non-profits for assistance.
Ally Remembered can provide assistance in critical situations for travel needs, emergency food/supplies etc. Once we've been contacted, we'll review the situation, contact the party requesting assistance and develop a action plan. As no situation is the same, and to ensure we are taking the correct action, we may need to vet the situation. When contacting us, please have some basic information ready:
Note: The below information will be required to provide with law firms and courts as well.
In most states evidence can include (but is not limited to) the following:
Questions that need to be answered when you've made the decision to exit:
When you are ready to leave:
Develop a comprehensive escape plan - one for a measured departure, and another for a hasty exit. Map out your destination, and strategize ways to cover your tracks. This dual-track approach will ensure you're prepared for any scenario, whether you have time to carefully orchestrate your exit or must make a swift, covert departure.
Consult a custody lawyer immediately - if you are considering abandoning your children. Leaving them with an abuser could severely jeopardize your chances of regaining custody in court. There are many free options available so do some research in your own area first.
Retain any evidence of the abuse - if possible, and take it with you when you leave. Ensure this evidence is stored in a secure location the abuser cannot access, such as a locked drawer at work or with a trusted family member. Failing to safeguard this proof could place you in greater peril.
Prepare a bag - that you can easily grab when you leave. However, while they’re helpful to have, getting out safely should come first. Be sure the bag remains hidden.
You could include:
If you're fleeing to a confidential location - and fear your abuser will try to find you, consider joining your state's Address Confidentiality Program. This can provide a mail forwarding service and legal substitute address to protect your physical location.
When leaving an abusive relationship - it's crucial to have a strong support system in place. Domestic violence survivors may find comfort and assistance from friends, family, advocates, therapists, or a faith community as they navigate this challenging transition to safety. With the right support network, survivors can access the resources and emotional guidance needed to end the cycle of abuse.
Ally Remembered can provide assistance in critical situations for travel needs, emergency food/supplies etc. Once we've been contacted, we'll review the situation, contact the party requesting assistance and develop a action plan. As no situation is the same, and to ensure we are taking the correct action, we may need to vet the situation. When contacting us, please have some basic information ready:
Note: The below information will be required to provide with law firms and courts as well.
In most states evidence can include (but is not limited to) the following:
- Verbal testimony from you or your witnesses
- Medical reports of injuries from the abuse
- Court records and restraining orders(RO). If neither, the information in this list is crucial to obtaining RO's
- Pictures (dated) of any injuries
- Police reports of when you or a witness called the police
- Household objects torn or broken by the abuser
- Pictures of your household in disarray after a violent episode
- Pictures of weapons used by the abuser against you
- Screenshots of threatening texts, excessive messages etc.
- A personal diary or calendar in which you documented the abuse as it happened
Questions that need to be answered when you've made the decision to exit:
- Are you now ready to leave?
- Do you have a plan of escape and after you're gone?
When you are ready to leave:
Develop a comprehensive escape plan - one for a measured departure, and another for a hasty exit. Map out your destination, and strategize ways to cover your tracks. This dual-track approach will ensure you're prepared for any scenario, whether you have time to carefully orchestrate your exit or must make a swift, covert departure.
Consult a custody lawyer immediately - if you are considering abandoning your children. Leaving them with an abuser could severely jeopardize your chances of regaining custody in court. There are many free options available so do some research in your own area first.
Retain any evidence of the abuse - if possible, and take it with you when you leave. Ensure this evidence is stored in a secure location the abuser cannot access, such as a locked drawer at work or with a trusted family member. Failing to safeguard this proof could place you in greater peril.
Prepare a bag - that you can easily grab when you leave. However, while they’re helpful to have, getting out safely should come first. Be sure the bag remains hidden.
You could include:
- spare car keys
- your driver’s license
- a list of your credit cards so that you can track any activity on them
- your checkbook
- money
- phone numbers for friends, relatives, doctors, schools, taxi services, and your local domestic violence organization
- a change of clothing for you and your children
- any medication that you or your children usually take
- your and your children’s legal documents, such as Social Security cards, passports, green cards, medical records, insurance information, birth certificates, marriage license, will, welfare identification information, and copies of any court orders, such as your protection order or custody order
- information about the abuser that may be necessary for future court filings, such as his/her date of birth, Social Security number, and license plate number
- copies of financial documents for you and the abuser, such as pay stubs, bank account information, a list of credit cards you hold by yourself or together with the abuser
- important things you want to keep, like photographs, jewelry, or other personal items.
- Contact us in advance so we can arrange to have our Action Packs available in a safe place if necessary
If you're fleeing to a confidential location - and fear your abuser will try to find you, consider joining your state's Address Confidentiality Program. This can provide a mail forwarding service and legal substitute address to protect your physical location.
When leaving an abusive relationship - it's crucial to have a strong support system in place. Domestic violence survivors may find comfort and assistance from friends, family, advocates, therapists, or a faith community as they navigate this challenging transition to safety. With the right support network, survivors can access the resources and emotional guidance needed to end the cycle of abuse.